Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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