Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
