so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
