Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
