The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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