Where is the hickey?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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