Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
