I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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