NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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