Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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