I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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