I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
