i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
