clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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