I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
