Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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