we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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