first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
