Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
