i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
