Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
