every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
