weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
