the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
