someone get that fucking seahorse.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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