Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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