Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
