too bad you live with your parents still
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
