She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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