just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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