JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
