tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
