I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Panties = found
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