So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
