This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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