at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
