Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
