i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
