This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
