Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
