i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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