I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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