im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
