Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
