my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
