I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
