Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
