No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
