Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
