Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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