Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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