my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A bitchslap is in order.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
