dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
