it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize