Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
