She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
