just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
