i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
