I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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