when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
