I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
