Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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