we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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