yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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