I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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