talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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