I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
