she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
