at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
